“Groovy Motherfucker”

This is a one-time blogging.

Interesting article on proposed anti-spam legislation, but before people rejoice too much, let’s examine “Spam”.

Spam/UBE/the-crap-filling-my-mailbox takes on many forms. I’ve taken a stab at listing out the common sources for the emails people consider “spam”, in (IMO) increasing orders of scumminess.

1. Follow-ups from companies with whom you’ve previously done business. You bought a DVD once, and now the company can’t wait to tell you all about their new special offers. Every week. Until you die.


2. “You may already have lost.” Contests often only exist with the purpose of allowing a company to gather contact information. “You didn’t win a new fully-fitted kitchen. Want to buy a kettle?”


3. “Carefully-selected partners” of companies you’ve contacted. “Hi! You don’t know us, but someone mentioned you’d bought a DVD player. Want to buy some DVDs?”. The problem here is that the partners may not have the same level of privacy-protection as the original company you dealt with, so once you’re on their list for receiving mail, you may well be on the list they’re selling.


4. Careless lips cost mailboxes. Your friend found this absolutely hilarious page on the web. It has a easy clickable button to forward the link. They enter your email address, and voila. You’re now on the mailing list of a company you’ve never heard of. See also “Someone’s got a secret crush on you”.


5. Foolish Individuals. The type who believe that Amway will make them millionaires. Who eagerly open the Publishers Clearing House envelopes. Who think that “Since everyone does it, Spam must work”. So they pay their $50 for a CD of 2 million “gaurenteed vallid” addresses (that they saw advertised in a Spam, natch, “which just proves it works”), and try to send out 2 million “MAKE MONEY FAST!” emails. Before their ISP notices and boots them off.


6. Spamhausen. The “companies” who harvest addresses from the web and newsgroups, exploit misconfigured mailservers around the world, and bombard users with third-party offers of Viagra, home loans, business opportunities and, let’s not be coy about this, “Halley Berry Penetration Scene Uncut”. Often catered for by spam-friendly ISPs like Qwest or Level3, who turn a blind eye in exchange for the lucrative bandwidth charges the spammers run up.

What you classify as “Spam” is up to the concious of the individual email recipient—Personally, I’d only count the last two, as they are unstoppable; most “reputable” companies will remove you when you ask.

So, how will the proposed legislation help? Well, from the summary in the ABC article, it sounds like its requirement is that spammers must offer “opt-out”. But this approach is fatally flawed.

First up, there’s no limit on how you get onto the list in the first place. I asked to subscribe? I bought something? My sister sent me an ecard? I clicked through from another website that knew my address? All will be equal in the eyes of the law.

Secondly, there’s no restriction on how your personal details can be dealt with. If I shop at RiverNile.com and they sell my details onto a list broker, who sells the list onto twenty more companies, I have to opt-out with each one in turn.

And finally: It won’t stop the scum. “Reputable companies”—ie. those who have brand-names and hope for repeat business—will comply. Fly-by-night gits who just need a single order of Viagra to break even will continue to flout the law, abusing the “Opt-out” trust of the general public as a way to gather more names.

Click here to remove yourself from this list. Or get added to more. Who knows?

And yet, the Direct Mail Association sees this law as a threat. Rather than concentrate on ways to help separate “legitimate advertising email” from “Prince Abudabi in Nigeria” scams in the mindset of the Internet surfing public, they’re fighting tooth and nail to stop the legislation, so that in the future people are going to try harder to avoid spam and miss out on their reputable offers that the DMA‘s members will be trying to hit us with. Nose cut. Face spited. Mission Accomplished.

Senator Burns might like to consider asking his sysadmin to install SpamAssassin. Because that 46 emails in his mailbox isn’t going to get smaller any time soon.